So I gave my dog a bath today because he was itchy as hell. Now, Spike LOVES baths. Bath time with Spike consists of him trying to escape while wondering why I'm being so mean to him.
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| Why are you doing this to me? I thought you loved me! |
Now, I always try to make things exciting by talking in a high pitched voice like this is the most fun thing I have ever done, ever as I'm pouring the warm water over him. "WHEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! BATH TIIIIIIIIIIIIME!!!!!!!!!! BAAAAAAAAAATH TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMEEEEEEEEEEEEE! WE LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE BATH TIME, YES WE DO, YES WE DO!!!! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Normally that would cause Spike to go into a wiggly, flaily mess, except I'm pretty sure that makes it worse in the tub, because he'll look up at me like he's going to die the more excited I get.
Then comes time for the soap. To me, this would be the best time of bath time, because it's like a massage, right? And dogs love being patted. Petted? Pat? Whatever. So I get the soap in my hand (with a little exclamation like "Ooooooo, it's sooooap tiiiiiiiiiiiime!!!!!!1") and I start scrubbing and scratching my dog, paying special attention to the places I know he loves being scratched. I've stopped with the excited voice by this point, but I still talk to him because they say your voice soothes your dog. Not during bath time.
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| Is this what Chinese Water Torture is like? |
Poor dog. Of course I had to pile the suds on his head, too.
When it's finally rinsing suds time, Spike has already tried to surreptitiously escape whenever I am not looking directly at him about 20 times, without fail. He moves really slowly, like I can't see him out of the corner of my eye if he moves slow enough. First, he inches to the corner of the tub. The corner is the place where he can squeeze out the easiest, you see. Then, ever so carefully, he lifts one foot and places it on the edge of the tub, all the while sneaking glances at me to make sure I'm not watching. Usually I stop him at this point, but if I don't, he'll put the second paw up there on the edge, preparing to jump. Note that he does this even if my back is turned and I am not looking at him at all.
After he's been rinsed and dried, he'll bounce out of the tub as quickly as possible, only to shake and drench the entire bathroom. He looks to damp and pathetic and miserable at this point.
But once he gets let out, he turns into a flailing, flopping, blurry mess.
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| The other blurry thing in the back there is my puppy. He's really excited. |
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| Drying off? |
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| Or perhaps attempting to create a rift in the space-time continuum? |
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| Note that this was taken ten minutes after the previous ones. Yeah, he was still going. |
He tears around the house like that for a good 30 minutes with a manic look I was unable to capture in the flailiness, rubbing himself on the floor, towel, and anything you don't want him to, such as your clothes, your dry-clean only blanket, and your bedsheets. Once you've laughed yourself to tears and screamed at him to get off your bed, he finally settles down with a bone or some other toy to take his aggression over the whole bath betrayal out.
But every once and a while, I catch him walking by a low mirror after he's gotten a bath, only to pause and take a second glance, like "Damn, that's a FINE lookin dog right there."
I love how Duds goes from exited and blurry in the first to sort of staring in awe in the second to just gone-the-hell-outta-there in the third. Really serves to highlight the urgency with which Spike approached the task of getting the water OFF NOW OFF GET OFF.
ReplyDeleteHahahaa I think Spike and Bub must be long lost brothers because Bub does the exact same thing. We let him run wild outside after his bath (even though that's kind of counter productive) so that he doesn't rub himself all over the furniture. He rolls around in his towel, the grass and then he does that pug run where his butt is almost shoved between his legs.
ReplyDeleteBlue - Dudley was so fascinated by the whole process. He wanted to come in so bad when Spike was being bathed, and then he followed him around while Spike was flinging himself around except for the middle part when he got really intense. I can't wait for Dudley bath time.
ReplyDeleteKins - Oh gawd, we can't let our dogs outside after their baths. We have too much dirt and you KNOW they target that one patch of dirt. I LOVE THE BUTT-TUCK RUN. When their eyes go all wild and their tongue half-hangs out and they just run around for no purpose other than looking as ridiculous as possible while running.
Awww, the face he's making in that first picture is so sad! Like, "what did I do to deserve this?!"
ReplyDeleteI am glad that I never had to bathe the dog we had. I don't think I'd have as much patience with the dog as you have with yours, Jade.