Okay, so after that long hiatus...

Basically ALL THE BAD THINGS have happened, and a few good things happened, and some AWESOME things are coming up.

Bad things first:

• My computer has been broken and in the shop since late May I believe. Maybe very very early June. But it's basically been a month.
• A teacher from my high school, the mother of a friend of mine, died from a long battle with highly-aggressive cancer right before my high school's graduation.
• A friend of mine died a couple days later, which totally sucked and the funeral service was just confusing and sad. I still don't know how he died.
• I pretty much have zero dollars. I have 600-odd dollars in my savings account, but my car payments are 215 bucks and I have two more before I get my job back, three more before I actually start getting paid a substantial amount (not the one or two-weeks pay I get in early September). I'm going to either have to borrow some money or close my certificate of deposit, neither of which I want to do.
• I've been having MAJOR FRIEND DRAMA from a few people. Most conflicts are resolved, but a lot of friend dynamics have changed.
• My mom is like bitch-central lately. We had a fight one day (pretty commonplace these days) and I asked her in a calm, polite voice because that's totally how I talk when I'm angry at my mom why she was so unhappy all the time, and she answered in an even calmer and more polite voice that she hated her life and her job. So all that hate mixed with what's appearing to FINALLY be menopause and we have one big angry hormonal disaster. 

Okay, the good things that have happened:

• A good friend came out and visited recently, which was totally awesome. I got to go ALL THE PLACES I never go because my mom and I are always busy on the weekend and I'm not likely to go to the zoo or museum or wherever by myself if my friends are busy. It was a blast hanging out with him.
• Along with that friend-changing dynamic, I've gotten closer with a sweet little Canadian possum and I just love her to pieces. 
• My best friend turned 21 yesterday! Which is really exciting because now I have someone to buy liquor for me birthdays are exciting. Unfortunately I didn't get to hang out with him yesterday but this is the happy part, dammit.
• That's, uh... pretty much it, actually.

And then the THINGS I AM EXCITED FOR IN THE FUTURE things:

• Tonight I am going to a friend's house and drinking wine and sitting in his hot tub and it is going to be so relaxing and I can not think about all my problems or anything bad as long as I remember to shave my legs. I'm not too happy about my bikini body but he has a girlfriend so it's not like I'm trying to impress anyone here.
• My best friend's birthday party is this Saturday, where, again, I get to be in my bikini, but unless his hot cousin is there, I'm not trying to impress anyone there either. In fact, there's a few people coming I'd like to UN-impress.
• I am the most excited about a friend coming to visit in late July to early August. We are going to watch the Padres beat the Dodgers' bankrupt ass. And do other things. But mostly the beating part.

It's kind of sad that the sucky things outnumber the happy things, but part of that may be because I am starving and can't think anymore. So... I'mma go eat, since I finished my box of chocolates and my blueberries.

Small victories of the day #... 6?

Today I accomplished nothing but watering some potted plants and eating dinosaur chicken nuggets.

I also succeeded in forgetting what number I left off at, but I am not sure that counts as a victory.

So I Think I Might Accidentally Be Watching a Soap Opera

I dunno, I was sitting here not paying attention to the TV and I heard something abnormal and I looked up to overdramatic acting and convoluted storylines.

Oh, Susan Lucci just came on the TV. This is definitely a soap opera.

Okay, anyway...

So today is Memorial Day and what not, and my mom and I were trying to figure out what to do. I suggested a picnic by the bay, which is HUGE and therefore has lots of parking all along it, but she was like "Meh I don't want to deal with crowds" because she is the most impatient, least personable people person I know. So then she suggested Old Town and I was all for Old Town because I love it there and it smells like Mexican food, and I was all prepared for an afternoon of strolling about and window-shopping and maybe buying cigars because they have this sweet little cigar shop with the most awesome, nicest people ever. But THEN, she was like "Oh, let's go to Santee Lakes," and I was very meh about it because I wanted to walk around in civilization and stuff, not in nature today, but since she is the parent, she makes the calls, so Santee Lakes it is.

Or, well, was. Because even though I literally just finished cooking the pad thai for the picnic, we probably aren't going because now she has a headache.

I had a point in all of this, but I didn't get home until 1 am and didn't get to sleep until after 2 and woke up at 6 and then took a nap from like 7-8 so I didn't get much sleep so I'm not in my prime, so to speak.

Okay she came back down the hall and apparently now we're going to Fort Rosecrans/Cabrillo which I'm cool with so this was like the most pointless thing ever. Sorry.

Coffee

I am not sure you can start a rainy morning better than with a hot cup of coffee. I guess the only way it can get better is if it wasn't raining since it's ALMOST JUNE.

But if it has to rain, I'll take the coffee.

Murphy is a whorey cunt pt 2

So I'm supposed to be cleaning my room right now.

It is a mess. I mean, it probably needs a biohazard sign slapped on the door, next to my plastic rosaries our gardener found in his truck and a tiny old license plate from my trike that says my name. There are empty food wrappers, papers (some from last semester...) and clothes strewn everywhere. There's also dust. Lots of it.

So yesterday I figured I'd do the closet. That closet has been in need of a thorough cleaning for years but it's easy to ignore what lies behind closed doors. But no more. It was getting cleaned out, I decided yesterday. I even took the fucking doors off. So I took all of the boxes and dumped then on the floor, tried on a bunch of clothes, threw out a bunch of shit, etc. And I found some WEIRD stuff. In an old backpack, I found play doh I had gotten for Christmas two years ago (Yes, I got play doh for Christmas when I was 19. I love that shit), a Sims game that I literally tore my room apart looking for MULTIPLE times, and a bag of Cheetos. I don't understand myself sometimes.

Aside from all the random stuff I found, remember me mentioning the dust? I literally had to stop cleaning because I could not breathe. I was sneezing the rest of the night, no matter what I did. And I got that awful allergy headache. So not only was my face all puffy and red and sexy, my head felt like it was going to explode. I went to bed at like 9:30 because I could not take the pain anymore. I figured once the allergy sneezes passed in my sleep, the headache would go away. Right?

WRONG.

I woke up with a WORSE headache, combined with a backache and cramps because life loves to fuck with me and decided it would be a good idea to have me wake up in pain and bleeding all over the place (sorry for that image). So I took a little nap. No dice. I took a longer nap. Nope. I drank a huge cup of coffee. Nothing. About a half hour ago, I ate some breakfast and popped four ibuprofen. They are not working yet.

On top of all of this, I STILL don't have a computer.

And my nose feels kind of itchy, like I am going to sneeze.

Murphy is a whorey cunt

So I'm finally done with finals, which means I can stop being a terrible friend and maintain regular contact with those who tolerate me, right? Except my computer is broken, which means I need to rely on my phone for everything. Do you realize how difficult it is to try to type emails of any decent length on a phone? A touchscreen phone at that? Or, even more frustrating, to juggle multiple chat platforms? It's not easy. By the end of the conversation/email, I feel like I have acquired arthritis and carpal tunnel simultaneously.

So now I have to get my computer repaired with money I don't have.

Additionally, we're apparently putting our oldest dog down on Saturday, a decision I disagree with, and Duds, the puppy, keeps attacking both her (the oldest dog) and Spike, my dog. Today it took me yanking Duds by the neck and lots of hard thwaps to the butt to get him off. I mean he was trying to kill Spike for some reason.

I do not understand. Life is supposed to calm down and get better during school breaks.

Dear you

Hey.

You said you had changed, you know. And I really thought you had. I really did. You fed me lies about how you wanted to be a good person for me, and how ashamed you were of what you had done before. But you really aren't, are you? You're still a little man-whore, and all you care about is sex. At least be honest with me, you know? Don't pretend like you care any other way about me other than getting some pussy. I can't believe I almost fell for it, and almost flipped my shit over you like everyone else did.

Well I figured you out. Fuck you for leading me along. Fuck you for feeding me lines that you were trying to change. And fuck you for almost stealing my heart. We will still be friends, but if you think anything else is going to happen, you're sadly mistaken. I can't wait to see the look on your face when I finally get to shoot you down. I hope you fall hard so no other girl gets hurt. Because I see you doing it to one of my friends, too. And I see her, being around less, because she is so busy with you. You will NOT do this to her. I've been feeling down for days because of YOU, and I won't let you do it to her. Fuck. You. Sir.

No love,
Me

PS: Sigh. Now I am just thinking it is me. It is probably just me. I know I suck, you know? I really do. I see people, they're withdrawing from me, the more they get to know me. I am sorry. I am sorry for everything.